


Follow Your Good Intentions

by HiatusMusings



Series: When She Stayed [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, The 100 (TV) Season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22775620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiatusMusings/pseuds/HiatusMusings
Summary: Circumstances may have changed, but Praimfaya is still on her way.Bellamy and Clarke are ready to face it together and find a way to save not just Arkadia, but the larger world around them. But desperation makes people do dark deeds as people fight for a safe harbor, fight to keep others from claiming what they believe to be theirs, and fight to do the impossible, without losing who they are in the process.It's the season 4 remix, delinquents.This is Part II of the "When She Stayed" series.I recommend reading Part 1, "Wake Up" before getting started!
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Series: When She Stayed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637338
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. Incoming Storms

There was a time, not so long ago when Clarke Griffin would have been hiding from the current situation within the nooks and crannies of the fallen Ark station. A time when her past sins and triumphs were too high a wall for anyone to climb over offer her help. A time when she would have seen the this day’s events as just another twist into the deepening darkness. 

But that time was done. 

As she stared through the narrow windows to the medical room as her Mother worked on a newly returned Thelonius Jaha, she chewed nervously on her cheek, fighting against that first instinct to retreat back into the shell that becoming Wanheda had made her. 

It helped that Bellamy was by her side. It was also slightly annoying because he kept asking her questions about what Abby was doing.

“Is he just dehydrated?” He asked, his arms crossed tightly in his guard’s jacket. 

“No, I mean, yes,” Clarke said, sighing, “he said he came from the desert so that’s got to be a part of it but Abby wouldn’t look so worried if he just needed an IV and a nap.”

“What do you think he meant by the nuclear reactors melting down?” 

“I think he meant the nuclear reactors were melting down,” Clarke replied shortly, wincing as her tooth went through the soft flesh of her cheek.

“Clarke, I’m just trying to be prepared for what’s coming, he was talking about some lady in a red dress-”

“Bellamy I don’t know!” She bit out, glaring at Bellamy’s equally frustrated expression, “all we can do is wait for my mom to get him stabilized and take it from there. If you haven’t noticed I don’t have a geiger counter on me and I’m pretty sure a lady in a red dress would stand out around here, don’t you?” She squared off with him, itching to push back the curls that had fallen into his eyes. 

He held her challenge a moment longer, before sighing and raising his arms to clasp behind his head. Again, with the arms, Clarke thought, the anger slipping away from her and the nervousness returning.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his gaze now locked back on the med bay windows, “It’s still hard to see him and not think about, how I,”

“Shot him in the stomach?” Clarke supplied, loving the small quirk to his lips.

“Yes,” he groaned, running his fingers down his face, “maybe I shouldn’t be here when he wakes up.”

Clarke walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, “scared of the guy on the gurney? Want me to get Miller to back you up?” She teased, trying to ease the tension that thrummed through them both.

His hands clasped over hers on his stomach, and for a moment she closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeats. She did this sometimes, when it felt like she was slipping back into the darkness. The steady beats reminded her that there were still many consequences of her actions she was grateful for. 

“It was nice to feel like we could live for awhile,” he said finally. Clarke rested her forehead against his spine. “We started building those cabins on the far side, Monty has plans for a second greenhouse, you’ve planned out a mural for the 100-”

“Bellamy,” Clarke said her arms breaking their hold as she walked around him, standing in front of the windows, forcing his dark gaze down to her. She saw the frantic movements of his eyes, the pain of believing that the little bit of peace they may have earned in blood was threatened, again. “Stop it. We don’t know enough to be worried. Right now, I’m just hoping that I can keep Well’s dad alive. And I’m finishing that stupid mural. Okay?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, and she reached up smoothing the creased wrinkles in his forehead smooth. He opened them back up, and she could see some softness returning to them, as he slipped a bit of her hair, currently dyed a dark brown through his own fingers. She was still slightly undercover even behind the gates of Arkadia. 

The spell was broken a moment later with the sound of the med bay doors opening behind them, Abby walking through as she snapped off the gloves she had been wearing. Clarke’s heart rate slowed as she saw no traces of blood on them.

“Clarke, you don’t need to wait, he’s going to be out for awhile,” Abby said brusquely, turning her head over her shoulder as Jackson dismissed the other med techs, pulling the blankets up to a sleeping Jaha’s chin.

“How is he?” Clarke asked, stepping in front of her as she moved to walk past her daughter. Abby frowned, eyeing her critically. 

“He’s dehydrated, has abrasions and sun burns across most of his body, and from the little he was talking about it would seem he’s also been hallucinating. I’ve know idea how he made it to the gates unassisted,” she grumbled, her hands curling into fists and resting on her hips. 

“What else did he say before you sedated him?” Clarke pressed, ignoring the thin line of her mother’s mouth.

“He’s hallucinating Clarke,” Abby said shortly, “don’t go making this into something it isn’t, I don’t want you stirring up-”

“Trouble?” Clarke bit out, “don’t want to get the population itchy about words like ‘radiation’? Boy that sounds familiar.”

Abby sucked in a breath, and Clarke knew she’d gone too far. They’d been getting along so much better lately, but there were still pockets of space they couldn’t always breach. Her part in Jake’s death being one of them.

She was about to try to cobble together an apology when Abby took a step in close to her. “Clarke,” she said softly, “my friend is hurt, a man I’ve known my entire life. Please let me take care of him before asking me to dig into his mind. I imagine you’d want the same courtesy extended to your hundred.”

Clarke sighed, “fine, okay, let me know if you need help,” she reached out, placing a hand on her mother’s arm, “really mom, I’m glad he’s alive.”

Her mother’s eyes softened, and she nodded looking over to Bellamy behind her, “your shift started an hour ago,” she said it a clipped voice, turning away from them both and heading back to her office to continue her work, knowing Jackson would get her the moment Jaha awoke. 

Clarke turned back to Bellamy, trying to smile but feeling the anxiety well up in her. She was hoping for answers right away, that’s why she had tried to stay calm. She had an uneasy feeling that sedating Jaha was more for the mother’s benefit than his. The man had raced into camp from unknown places for a reason, and Jaha liked to hold an audience more than anything.

“I’m still waiting to feel reassured,” he said sourly. 

“Yeah,” Clarke sighed, “me too.” She rolled her neck slowly, feeling the snaps as the same tension she’d try to talk Bellamy out of only moments ago now stiffened her. She looked again at the sleeping Thelonius through the window, biting her lower lip. 

She’d gotten lazy these last few months. No quick thinking needed besides running interference between Raven and Murphy when one of their arguments spiraled out of control, or deftly negotiating behind the scenes with Roan for Azgeda furs for the incoming winter. Fall was on its way, quicker than anyone would be ready for. The trees were already changing, brilliant hues dotting the view outside the gates that made her itch to paint. Colors she’d ignored the first time around. 

“Do you remember what we would do when we needed answers?” She asked, feeling Bellamy’s large frame settle behind her. 

“Raven,” they said in unison, walking out of the med bay doors, side by side. The pungent taste of trouble on the horizon.

****

“Raven!” Bellamy knocked loudly, five times on the door to the mechanic’s shop. He wasn’t about to open this door again unless he got a very clear ‘you may enter’ from inside. Raven and Murphy’s relationship since coming back from Azgeda had been, _interesting_ to say the least. They were either fighting or screwing on any given day. There seemed to be no in-between lately, and, since neither one of them was given to talking about their feelings, it had begun making nights around the fire a little tedious for everyone.

He and Clarke had finally found their peace bringing an equilibrium to the remaining hundred. Just in time for Raven and Murphy to tip the see-saw back off balance. 

“Murphy was in the bar,” Clarke said helpfully beside him, “we passed him on the way over remember?”

“Yeah, I’m not risking it,” he said shortly.

Clarke rolled her eyes at him but he got a small smile from her before the door whipped open and a very frazzled Raven Reyes greeted them.

“What!” She asked, her lips pursed in a scowl. Bellamy lifted his eyebrows in surprise, Raven normally saved such looks of derision for Murphy. He liked being one of her favorites. Seemed like his time was up. 

“Ummm,” he said, momentarily forgetting why they’d come over here.

“Ummmm,” she mocked, rolling her eyes so hard he thought she must have seen ponytail, “What? You two lose your last functioning brain cells staring deep into each other’s souls?”

“Fuck off Raven,” Clarke said breezily stepping forward and forcing Raven to open the door to them, “we need to talk, put your game face on.”

Bellamy watched her walk in then slowly met Raven’s glare back at him, “did you hear about Jaha?” he asked, stepping in more cautiously than she had, Raven’s temper liable to unleash at anyone these days. 

“Our fallen Chancellor has returned from the desert,” Raven said slamming the door behind them and meeting them at the table. “He going to live?”

“Yeah, my Mom fixed him up, he’s sleeping now,” Clarke said, messing with some of the scrap metal on the table.

Raven snorted, “figures, someone like Jaha gets nine lives well the rest of us can barely keep this one going. Only cockroaches like you and Murphy manage to do so well.”

“He said some, concerning stuff before going under,” Clarke said ignoring the bite in Raven’s tone. Bellamy could feel himself grinding his teeth. It pissed him off when Raven took her ire out on Clarke. Trying to talk to Clarke about it hadn’t worked, she’d brushed off his concern.

“Yeah, Miller said he was looking for some lady in a red dress,” Raven said, “so rude, that’s my color.”

“I’ll tell him to shoot on site,” Bellamy said helpfully, glad that she couldn’t hide the smile that pulled at her lips. 

She sighed, settling into one of the high top chairs and plucking the tools Clarke had been idly playing with out of her hands, “so, what’s the actual problem?”

“It could be nothing,” Clarke said hesitantly, “but Abby has that look on her face, like before when my dad was hiding the news about the oxygen problem on the Ark.”

“Tragic, Griffin, but I’m going to need more to go on.” Raven said shortly. 

He watched Clarke purse her lips together, the hurt at Raven’s sharp tongue quickly masked by apparent indifference. 

“Can you tell us if radiation levels have gone up?” She asked quietly instead of taking the bait.  
Bellamy could tell it was enough of an unexpected turn to the conversation that Raven let go of whatever shitty attitude she’d found a home in. 

“What exactly did you hear Jaha say?” Raven asked.

“When he came in, he said the thing about a woman in a red dress, but he also was raving about nuclear reactors,” Bellamy said, pulling Raven’s attention away from Clarke for a moment. “It could be the ravings of a mad man, or-”

“Or, he saw something out there,” Clarke said, pulling the muddy brown color of her hair back behind her ear. “There’s still so much we don’t know about the ground Raven, but what we do know is how to test for problems that the Grounders wouldn’t think to anymore.”

Raven narrowed her eyes at them, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re worried about radiation levels? Are there any other signs besides Jaha behind a general shit show?”

“No,” Clarke said cautiously, “just, a feeling,” she glanced over at him quickly and he knew without her saying anything that she could sense it. Things were too calm, the world seemed to be holding its breath. 

Raven looked back and forth between them for a moment, her expression unreadable to him as she slowly traced burns and cuts in the wood table her fingers. “I’ll need to get into command quarters, that’s where they’d be storing the monitoring equipment,” she said finally. 

“Abby and Kane have been locking us out of a lot of the higher up stuff lately,” Bellamy said slowly, “we’d have to create a distraction, get a door open, buy you some time.”

“Yeah, and I’d have to be pretty amazing to hack the mainframe and rewrite the code to search for radiation levels in the time you get,” Raven said, this time a real smile playing at her lips.

“It’s a good thing my mom’s all super into trusting me now since I’ve started bathing on a regular schedule and talking to people,” Clarke said glibly. 

“So, what are we waiting for?” Raven asked, walking over to a mess of blankets that was her bed, pulling her red jacket from the covers. 

“We’ll need Monty and Miller,” Bellamy said, swiping the extra lock picking set from the top shelf, “Harper can cover for both of them with Miller’s dad. Clarke, can you go delay Abby?” 

“Sure, we’ll bond over mother daughter things,” Clarke said sarcastically, “anyone know what that is?”

“I think it involves selling your stuffed animal for alcohol rations,” Raven supplied.

“No,” Bellamy interjected, “mothers and daughters sew quietly with no talking because that could bring unwanted noise and attention, and then death” he said, trying to keep a straight face at Clarke’s eye roll. 

“Perfect, that’s super helpful. Should I bring up the dead dad thing too and really cap it all off you psychopaths?” She retorted, the follow up insults muffled as he pulled her into his chest for a hug as Raven barked out a short laugh walking out the door ahead of them. 

“You killed Wanheda, this will be a cinch,” he whispered into Clarke’s ear.

She turned her face up to him, still resting her chin on his chest, “go be you,” she said softly. 

He put a finger beneath her chin, tugging the brown hair down with his other hand and capturing her lips quickly. They kept changing her hair color in an attempt to hide her, to keep the odd traveler or trader from thinking that the blonde Skaikru woman awfully resembled the prior Commander of Death. But no matter what color her hair was, those blue eyes are what captured him every time. He would often think to himself that he couldn’t believe anyone wouldn’t recognize her the moment they saw her eyes. They gave her away, they had seen too much. 

“Go be you,” he returned, loosening his hold on her, trying to puzzle out the expression in her face. “What is it? You can’t be worried about this little thing. Even if we get caught the worst that can happen is I get laid off guard duties for a month and have to do laundry. I’m great at laundry,” he teased.

She smiled, but it was hollow. “Odd, that we look forward to this, breaking the rules, subverting authority.”

“We’re a bunch of criminals Clarke, are you really that surprised?”

“No,” she said softly, “just,” she hesitated, “If something is wrong, with the leftover reactors, how bad do you think it is? How bad could it get?”

“If something is wrong, we’ll figure it out Clarke,” he said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. 

“Some things can’t be figured out Bellamy,” she said, pulling away from him, the space between them feeling finite. “They can’t be stopped or solved or tricked. And there are only so many radiation sickness pills in the store room.”

He took a breath, the air suddenly feeling heavy on his lungs. Clarke wasn’t crying. She didn’t look scared. She was always willing to see the hard truth. But he couldn’t, not quite yet.   
“Have some faith Clarke,” he replied, and that was when he saw the flicker of fear cross the blue.

***

“We don’t need Murphy for this,” Raven gritted out her tall ponytail swinging back and forth with her steps, “I think it’s a little early to incite a rebellion.” 

Bellamy shortened his stride to keep pace with her after Clarke had turned back to do her part for the little delinquent mission, corralling and keeping Kane and Abby away from the mainframe room. Her disquieting words shoved into the part of his brain where he kept the things he didn’t know how to deal with yet. 

“I didn’t bring him up,” Bellamy said cautiously, “but if there’s trouble to get into you know he’ll sniff it out in-”

“Raven!” Murphy barked striding past the farmers on the northwest greenhouses, a sheepish looking Monty trailing after him.

“Dammit Monty, I knew I should have used the other channel,” Raven groused under her breath, stopping short and folding her arms across her chest. Bellamy looked to his right, towards the guard towers where he could just make out Miller climbing down from the top tower, and the slight figure of Harper waving slightly from the bird’s nest. 

“He’s quick in a bind,” Bellamy muttered to her, “can you two please just chill out for an hour so we can get this done?”

“Fuck off Blake,” Raven replied, “I don’t recall you being the type of guy wanting to talk about feelings, right?” She turned to him raising an eyebrow and he could feel the flush spread across his cheeks, a memory slipping past him. 

He pressed his lips together. Keeping his mouth shut was generally his go-to move with Reyes these days. Murphy and Monty reached them a moment later as he tried to arrange his limbs in a casual stance. 

“Hey Bell,” Monty said, the eagerness written all over his face, “what’s up?”

“You feeling like doing a little hacking?” Raven asked brightly ignoring Murphy who shifted on his feet next to him, the man’s hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“Absolutely,” Monty replied, nodding as Miller finally met up with him, “any particular reason why?”

“Clarke thinks we’re all going to die of radiation,” Raven said brightly. 

“Easy Raven,” Bellamy groaned, running his hands over his face. She shrugged. “Listen, Jaha came in pretty messed up and Abby won’t give us a straight answer. I think we’re all tired of being treated like kids around here when we’ve been the one saving everyone’s asses since they landed.”

“We’re risking getting shock lashed because the King and the Princess don’t like getting ignored?” Murphy said, tilting his chin up. 

“Sounds better than staring at the tree line for four more hours,” Miller said as noncommittal as ever. “What’s the plan?”

“Get the guards to the mainframe room out of way long enough for Monty and Raven to do their magic, and it would be great to not get caught,” he said shortly. 

“Your motivational speeches are really taking a downward turn since you and Clarke started actually hooking up instead of just looking anguished at each other,” Murphy said, then turned and started toward the main wreckage of the Ark, “must be nice.” He tossed over his shoulder as Bellamy could literally feel Raven’s eye roll reach the atmosphere.

“What’s the rule Monty?” She asked tersely as the four of them followed behind the slight man. 

Monty sighed, “don’t answer your radio around Murphy,” he replied, “but I don’t know when you’re mad at him Raven, you need to schedule these things better.”

“Just bank on him always being a fucking cockroach and a coward,” Raven said darkly, stomping into the mossing underfooting harder than she intended and wincing.

“Can we just focus on what we need to do?” Bellamy asked, exasperated at this point, they were nearing the Ark opening now, the mainframe room three doors down on the right, two guards posted outside of it. 

Miller knocked into his arm, “at least one part of this is easy,” he said, as Bellamy recognized the guards at the front, Casey and Camden. They were junior guards, likely reassigned here after the more senior cadets were brought into the fence line, looking for Jaha’s woman in red. 

“Why is this lucky?” He asked, bewildered. Neither of them were part of the hundred, they survived when the Ark fell, part of Alpha station in fact. 

“Well they have huge crushes on us,” Miller replied like the fact was obvious, “Casey has been trying to get on my guard rotation for weeks, and haven’t you noticed Camden following you around?”

Bellamy took a step back, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, and don’t you have that switched around?”

“No,” Miller shrugged, “but flirting is flirting. We’ll just be in Raven’s way in there, let’s take them to the bar.”

He snuck another glance towards the two teenagers, both of them snapped their faces front, skin coloring red. “Can you two get a move on?” Raven hissed. Monty was pretending to be very interested in a few weeds growing next to the metal hull. Murphy was just plain staring at Raven, his expression insolent. 

“Let’s go,” Bellamy said, pushing Miller forward a bit as they both pasted smiles on their faces. He should feel bad about the demerits the kids would get for ditching their post, but he was starting to feel like this place could use a few more delinquents. Afterall, their numbers were dwindling. 

***

Raven watched Bellamy and Miller chat with the young guards for a few moments. She could tell they were hesitant, but after a few minutes the curiosity won out. She knew they were telling them that there was no reason to guard the doors, that it was just scut work. What grounder would even know what to do with the machines in that room? Soon enough they were gone, and Monty and Raven started forward.

She turned sharply into Murphy as he made to follow them, pressing her hand into his chest. “We’re good Murphy,” she said.

“Good,” he replied, “I’ll just keep watch.”

“Not necessary,” she gritted out.

He stared at her impassively, “it’s also not necessary to stop speaking to me for three days but you’ve certainly got that covered.”

She took her hand off his chest, realizing how long she’d been holding it there, “fine. Stand outside, what do I care.”

She turned back and strode up to the door as quickly as she was able, shaking her head to clear her mind. Monty had entered the code sequence into the door panel, it slid open with a hiss. 

They looked back and forth down the corridor, slipping into the room when the coast was clear. She tried not to meet Murphy’s eyes as it slid shut behind her. 

In a moment the constant noise of the ark died away, the sound proofing and cooling mechanisms doing their job. 

“Raven?” Monty said, “you okay?”

She looked over at her friend, trying to rearrange all the feelings tearing through her. She wasn’t, but she could pretend.

“Yeah, Monty, I’m fine. Why don’t you start looking for a geiger counter, I’m going to get into the old Ark database. I’m sure there are files around the existing nuclear plants,” she said tightening the ponytail on her head and sitting down in the old chair.

For awhile Raven worked to the sound of Monty hunting through storage bins and files, while she zipped past one firewall after another. Finally, “ha!” she said, the thrill of another seemingly impossible task beaten coursing through her, “here we go Green.”

Monty abandoned his search and came over to look over her shoulder, “damn, could have used you when I was altering Jasper’s organic chem scores.”

“You’re kidding right? You nerds aced everything,” Raven said laughing a bit as she clicked through a few promising files.

“That was the problem, Monty said, “no one believed we weren’t cheating. Got tired of detentions we didn’t earn.”

“So you decided to grow weed in the farm station to really earn it?” She inquired, looking over her shoulder at the dark hair falling in his face.

“Like you’re not an overachiever,” he said back, his eyes lighting up at something on the screen and she turned back to it. 

“Check that out,” he said, “Station Reports, 2064.”

She opened the file, a stream of data running past their eyes. “Looks like a list of the nuclear power plants capable of sending missiles before the bombs went off. Say hello to the reason we exist Monty.”

“Can you place the coordinates on a map?” He asked, his brow furrowed. 

She did as she was asked, importing the coordinates of all active plants onto a globe of the Earth. “Okay,” he said next, “now pull in current weather data.”

She paused, “what?”

He looked down at her, confused at her bewilderment, “Raven, the Ark can still talk to the Go-Sci ring.” Then the realization dawned on her. 

“Which means it’s still collecting data from the satellites,” she said, “we know it can’t track radiation levels, they wouldn't have needed to send you guys down here blind if it did, but maybe we can get a sense of what’s happening out there. This will take a bit, keep looking-”

The doors slid open and they tensed, but it was just Murphy stepping through. 

“Jesus Murphy,” Raven growled snapping her head back and slamming her fingers a little rougher on the keyboard, “some look-out you are.”

“Turns out I seem shifty when I’m standing around,” he said sullenly. “Can you lock the door from in here?”

“Just did,” she said, the seal clicking into place behind him, “can’t believe I didn’t do that before,” she muttered.

“Come on Murphy,” Monty said, “we’re looking for geiger counters, I don’t have any spare plutonium to build them. They should be in a lead case.”

Rare to form Murphy just nodded quietly, handing Monty a flashlight as they moved further into the room. Raven kept her eyes on the screen, passing through more security files until she was into the Go-Sci network. “It’s linking,” she spoke quietly, turning to look at Monty and Murphy as they came toward her, at least this time Monty had the sought for dial in his hands. 

“Murphy found it,” he said.

“Nifty,” she replied, ignoring the huff behind her.

The ding from the computer saved them from another fight. Instead, all three sucked in a breath at the screen before them. 

“Is that a hurricane covering all of Europe?” Monty asked faintly behind her.

“Is there a matching one in Asia?” Murphy replied warily.

Her heart thudded desperately as she scaled the map out and in, zeroing in on the continents before zooming back out to hover over the eastern seaboard of North America. “I’ve never saw weather patterns like that when we were in space,” Monty said.

“That’s not weather Monty,” she said. Murphy laid a hand on her shoulder, and for the first time in weeks it felt comforting instead of suffocating, “that’s fall out.” 

She swiveled the chair around, Murphy’s hand falling down to his side as she turned to face them. “Turn it on.”

Monty took a deep breath, rolling his thumb over the counter dial. They watched the dots light up, as the small filter sucked in the air around them. It hummed slowly, the small machine groaning as though the task was a nuisance.

The hand pushed through the green portion of the counter steadily, sliding into yellow quickly. “That’s not news,” Monty said hopefully. “Kane told me they checked when they landed, it’s been in the yellow for decades but that’s fine for the grounders and anyone that grew up with solar radiation like us.”

The dial slowed once it hit yellow, jerking now as it ticked upwards through the middle of the counter, they waited for it to stop. And waited. And waited.

“Fuck,” they said in unison.

***

“Abby, we need to tell David Miller something besides ‘woman in a red dress’” Kane said, his hands running through the mane of greying hair. 

“Well, I’m sorry but Thelonious needs rest right now,” Abby said crossly, focused on the large amount of papers in front of her. Clarke watched her eyes shift up to her, before looking back down at desk. 

Clarke knew she wanted to say more, but wouldn’t, not with her daughter here. Luckily Kane was already arguing with Abby when she’d walked into the office. It only took a few intentioned questions about Jaha’s health to get him going again about waking the man up. Eating up the minutes her friends needed as she glanced at her Father’s watch. 

“Enough,” Abby said angrily, “Clarke, where’s Raven? She was due here fifteen minutes ago. I need to go over some schematics with her.”

“Schematics?” Clarke replied dumbly, this time it wasn’t an act.

“Yes, we never did a full review of the hull and I’d like to make it as airtight as possible before the next season,” Abby said, “too many cases of frostbite last year.”

Clarke tilted her head, smelling the lie, “I thought Azgeda just sent down that crate of furs. Shouldn’t be a problem this year.”

“We won’t be relying on Azgeda generosity for our people’s health,” Abby bit out, “I would think you of all people would have had enough of it.”

“Abby, we need those trade alliances now more than ever,” Kane said harshly, the supplies are going to be critical before-”

He cut off suddenly, his fingers curling into his fists. Clarke looked at both of them feeling a painful bit of deja vu, “winter?” She supplied into the sickening void.

“Yes,” Abby said sharply, her eyes warning Kane from continuing, “Clarke, not that I don’t want to spend time with you but,”

“But the adults are talking?” Clarke asked quietly as Kane and Abby turned toward her, a united front.

“That’s not-” Abby started forward, shaking her head. 

“Not what mom?” Clarke asked incredulously, standing up from the couch. “You trust me enough to negotiate peace for Arkadia but not to tell me what’s going on now? You’ve been treating my people like their nuisances for months now. Locking us out of council meetings you were once begging Bellamy and I to be on, shutting us out of conversations we should be in. Why is Bellamy doing scut work? Why is Monty just another farmer instead of in the agro rooms figuring out why the corn came up sick? I know why I’m _useless_ , I’m dead after all, but don’t think we don’t see what you’re doing.”

“Clarke, that’s not at all what’s going on,” Kane said gently.

She narrowed her eyes, “what are you afraid of? It’s great when we’re saving your asses but don’t act like you’re in charge? Think Arkadia might want a different Chancellor?”

“Clarke!” Abby yelled, slamming her hands down on the desk, “that’s enough, you and Bellamy,” she stopped, her lips thinning into a line, and for the first time Clarke thought her mother looked old. 

“Me and Bellamy what?” Clarke crossed her arms, not even caring that the time she needed to keep them in this room was up, she was starting to get somewhere. 

“They are not your people Clarke,” she said softly. Clarke felt that one pierce her heart. “You are simply one of the people now, and you need to learn your place.” Clarke looked away from her then, staring out the one small window to the yard as Abby tried a gentler tone. 

“Listen, you and Bellamy did amazing things, hard things to lead when there was no one else, when Kane and I didn’t understand how this world worked, but that time is done now. You are not in charge. I’ve told you this before and you’ve ignored it, but I need you to listen. You need to let us take care of things so we can-”

“Lie to Arkadia?” 

Clarke whipped her head around, meeting Bellamy’s eyes which were blazing with anger. He walked into the office, sliding his hand into Clarke’s as Raven, Monty, Miller and Murphy followed in behind. The latter closing the door and locking it. The room suddenly felt much too small.

“What is this?” Kane asked angrily.

Clarke ignored him, searching Bellamy’s face. What she saw made her heart drop, her mouth go dry. Behind the anger in his words, was fear. 

“How bad?” She asked Raven, ignoring her mother’s irate noise.

The mechanic looked shell-shocked, “bad,” she said shakily, “it’s not just a meltdown of a few reactors. All of Europe and Asia are in a wave, like a hurricane, the radiation levels are already elevated here, the only reason we haven’t had any visible sickness is probably because-”

“Enough!” Abby shouted over her. Clarke whipped her head back at her mom, saw the wide eyes and shaking hands. 

“You knew,” Clarke whispered.” Abby and Kane stared at each other, “say something!” She screamed, Abby flinching with the anger that laced her words.

Raven started forward, saying what Abby could not. “There’s a wave of radiation circling over two continents right now, we have a very small window to stop the nearest stations from us doing the same, how could you keep this information from us?” She moved in close to Abby, forcing the Chancellor to meet her eyes.

“You didn’t need to know,” she said softly, “we have a plan, Jaha was, is” she covered quickly, “a part of it. We’re trying to stop a panic.”

“I’ve heard that excuse before,” Clarke said harshly. Her Father’s watch felt heavy on her wrist. “Going to throw me in solitary again Kane?”

The graying man shook his head wearily, “Abby, just tell them. They obviously know enough to be dangerous. At least give them context.” 

The Chancellor shook her head angrily, mouth pursed into a thin line, arms crossed over her body as though she could staunch the wound of these revelations. 

“I told you Abby, she stopped being a child the moment you sent her to the ground to die, you’re not protecting her, you’re not protecting any of us by trying to cover up the truth,” Raven said, turning away from the Chancellor and standing next to Clarke. With Raven’s shoulder on one side of her, and Bellamy’s frame covering her back, his hand still woven into hers she looked back at Abby silently.

She didn’t know what Raven was talking about, but she appreciated hearing her say it. Her mother seemed to be at war with herself, and for a moment Clarke could see what she must have looked like up on the Ark, telling herself that sentencing her husband to death was the right choice.

“This is your do-over Mom,” Clarke said softly, and when Abby met her eyes there was moisture in them. She sighed, leaning back against the desk, her hands curled around the edge.

“The nuclear plants were all up to code before the bombs dropped,” she began, “two hundred years containment policy. They didn’t have the technology before then to keep it quiet for any longer than that. When the bombs were released the process went into effect like it was supposed to for the stations that weren’t damaged. The council on the ark knew it could be a problem, but we had no way of telling how many stations would go active again, how many didn’t implode in the first round.”

“You knew this would happen?” Monty said in disgust.

Abby made a sound in the back of her throat, “you want to be treated like members of the council? Put yourself in our place. We didn’t intend to send anyone down there until after that 200 year-mark, to make sure it wouldn’t be a problem. But then suddenly we didn’t have that luxury, did we? So we gambled. Now this is something that has to be dealt with.”

“How bad is it?” Clarke asked, watching Abby’s eyes cut over to Raven as she spoke.

“Like Raven said, Europe and Asia are already lost, and radiation levels are rising across the globe.”

“Well it’s not like I was hoping to grab a beer at the local pub or walk across the Great Wall of China” Murphy said from the back. “If the stations closer to North America haven’t popped it means they went with the first round, right? We’re good?”

“Were you not listening at all,” Raven asked harshly, “that radiation cloud is swirling, and the weather patterns are all off. It’s going to come our way eventually, destroying the ecosystems, which means no food, not to mention that levels will rise higher than we can take. We’ll all get sick, we’ll die from it.”

Clarke bowed her head, her hand tightening in Bellamy’s. “And,” Raven continued, “just because the stations close to us haven’t blown, doesn’t mean they won’t.”

“Guess we don’t need to work on our diplomacy,” Murphy said darkly, “so,” he clasped his hands together, “it’s either incineration or slow starvation. What thrilling and familiar options.”

Clarke took slow, even breaths through her nose, putting the puzzle pieces together as her family erupted in shouts. They’d sent Jaha out for a reason. They’d been getting the Ark airtight, not just for winter, but for a nuclear winter. They were keeping trade routes open, storing up supplies. 

“You’re building another Ark,” she said softly, her words cutting through the din. Abby hadn’t joined into the fray, had been staring down at her feet instead. She looked up wearily at Clarke and nodded. Clarke knew what came next, “Mom, how many can last in here? How many are you planning on saving?”

She watched her take an uneven breath, somehow knew what the answer would be.

“A hundred Clarke, we can save a hundred.”


	2. Oracle of Hubris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaha speaks. Clarke schemes.

Clarke sat back on the couch as they argued around her. As soon as Abby had mentioned the number they could save she had fallen back against the cushions as Bellamy erupted, hands waving, pushing his body into Kane’s space. Raven, Miller, Monty and Murphy formed a semi-circle behind him each offering their own opinion, outrage or concern about what was going on. For her part, Abby had moved back behind the desk, sitting down wearily, mirroring her daughters movements from across the room.

She met her mother’s eyes, a weary smile crossing her face as she stared back at her daughter. It occurred to Clarke that Abby may be the only one apart from Bellamy that understood the agony of only having bad choices. Clarke did the calculations and tried to find where she would have turned left or right or back instead of continuing on the path Abby had set. 

Would truth lived in anguish be better than ignorance in peace? Her father hadn’t agreed with her before, but Abby stayed on the same course once more.

Was saving only a hundred worth it? Hardly enough to ensure the survival of the human race, genetic diversity aside. 

Was she angry that her mother had hid this from her? Or did she understand the woman’s pull to protect a daughter that had endured enough, given enough. But no, Abby had sent her into a hornets nest not six months ago. She would have come to her for council on this, unless...

“I’m not on the list, am I Mom?” She asked into the din of voices, Bellamy whipping his head around to meet her, his eyes widening in confusion.

Abby’s lips shook, but she steeled something within herself, “Clarke, the list isn’t final yet, we’re still looking for options. I’m not trying for subterfuge by keeping Jaha sedated, we need him coherent, I don’t want to go off looking for fairytales, that’s why-”

“You’d need to weight it to young females that can have children, and I sustained a pretty significant abdominal injury last year,” she interrupted, “that’s why you didn’t say anything.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Bellamy said harshly at Abby, the disgust written across his face, “she’s your daughter.”

Abby refused to meet Bellamy’s glare, she stared back at her daughter, “I’m so sorry baby,” she said softly into the now muted room. 

For a few brief seconds, no one said anything, Raven stepped forward but a knock on the door turned their attention. Abby cleared her throat, “come in,” she said her voice not betraying the emotion heavy in her eyes.

The door cracked open and the tall figure of David Miller entered the room, frowning when he saw both his son and Bellamy inside. Both men looked down at the floor, knowing they’d been caught out from their duties.

“Yes, David, what is it? Abby asked, as he the guard captain looked around the mess of people in the room to his Chancellor sitting near the back. 

“Thought you should know, Octavia and Lincoln have returned, with a few guests in tow, some of them are pretty sick. The people from the kru they were visiting near the water-”

“Octavia’s sick?” Bellamy said, stepping forward his face panicked, “where is she?”

The older man put his hands up, “she’s fine son, but I need the Chancellor’s permission to bring the rest of them in.”

“Do it,” Abby said quickly, “get Jackson on your way out I’ll meet them in medbay in a moment,” the Captain nodded quickly and turned to move away when she called out again, “oh and David? Bellamy and Nathan are here on my request, I’ll be needing them for a time on a special project, if you could spare them?”

Bellamy met Clarke’s eyes as Miller’s father made his exit, nodding quickly at Abby’s ask, his stare concerned toward his son before closing the door behind him. 

“If you don’t mind,” Abby cleared her throat carefully as the delinquents all turned to stare at her. For her part, Clarke looked down at her nails, picking at them. “I’m more than aware that this news is devastating, but I would ask that you keep the information you’ve learned quiet. When Jaha is awake, we’ll have a better idea of where we stand. I promise to bring you in then.”

“Good plan Mom,” Clarke said into the space, standing and leaving the room before a fresh round of yelling could erupt. She was out of the hallway and halfway toward the gate before she realized she hadn’t taken a breath.

She forced her legs to keep moving, the world narrowing to a point as she walked into the main yard, the people moving around her without understanding the borrowed time they lived on, once again.

But their faces, they weren’t real. Instead of Collin and Mason tilling the soil in the west yard she saw Anya and the small child that was her second. The faces of the children playing tag near the greenhouse were familiar to her, but not as skaikru. Instead, they were the children left bent and bloody on the Mount Weather dining room table. All around her. Atom. Wells. Maya. She squeezed her eyes shut against the onslaught. 

It was all for nothing. The blood on her hands. For nothing more than a few painful breaths of life more than another. She’d never hated irony more than she did at that moment. 

“Clarke!” Bellamy was there suddenly, pulling her hand and leading her away from the middle of the yard, away from prying eyes. Did she look like she needed to be away from people? She hadn’t taken a breath yet, her lungs were burning as she watched her feet move across the dirt and grass. She was suddenly in a small alcove, looking up into Bellamy’s dark brown eyes, filled with worry. 

Her vision was tunneling and she remembered this happening before, after the mountain but before Azgeda. The panic attacks, how had she’d solved them before? She shook her head as the world went dark, when she felt his hands grasp her shoulders and throw her back into the glass greenhouse wall. 

The shock of it made her gasp, her lungs filling with air as though she’d finally broken the surface of the watering hole near camp. She coughed and wheezed, hunched over in the middle, her hands on her legs as Bellamy’s large hands circled her back. 

“It’s not enough,” she said, her voice cracking as she looked up at him, and she knew then there were tears streaming down her face. “We can’t have done it all just for a few months of peace, it’s not enough Bellamy. Did we kill those children for just a few months of life? Did we kill to save people that were already dead?”

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close so she could bury her face into his chest, “I’m not giving up, I’m not giving you up,” he said hoarsely. 

She smelled the guard’s uniform, the sweat and wood fire and mold of paper from the pre-bomb books he was slowly finding and lining their one shelf with. 

“Clarke,” he said shakily and she pulled her face away from his chest to stare up at him, “we’ve faced worse odds, right?”

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Bellamy was still, at his core, the heart. The head saw a lost cause and knew when to cut its losses, the heart marched on, refusing to let reality dictate the terms. They’d faced _humans_ she wanted to scream at him. An enemy with motivations they could manipulate and destroy, or an entity to ally with. Swords, guns, bombs, were nothing to what was coming. Fairytales of nightblood, flames and commanders of death, what was that to a wave of radiation?

He was still looking at her, staying with her instead of running to the gate to check on Octavia. The world had fallen around him too, but he was still with her, not running away. What could she say to comfort him? “Praimfaya,” she said, wiping away the lines of confusion on his face, “that’s the grounder word for when the bombs fell the first time.”

He took a breath, seemingly relieved that she’d spoken and was no longer in the throws of a panic attack, “nerd,” he said, softly wiping away the tears on her cheeks, pressing quick kisses to her temple. 

“I’m sorry,” she said weakly, “I promise I won’t start hiding in walls again, it was just-”

“I know,” he said, turning toward the sound of noises from the yard, before quickly meeting her eyes again, “But Praimfaya never met us, or Octavia.”

She laughed, despite the terror lodged in her chest, “go, honestly I just need a minute. Find a way to talk to Octavia and Lincoln about this.” She shoved against the wall of his chest gently, she could tell he wanted to go see his sister.

He stepped away hesitantly, “at our quarters, 30 minutes okay?”

“Yes,” she said decisively, “now go get her before she scares Jackson again, he’s barely recovered from the snake she brought in last month.”

He grinned, but it didn’t meet his eyes, he hand squeezing hers tightly before he turned away, disappearing around the corner. 

Clarke let out a shaky breath, before sliding down the smooth walls, watching the trees sway slightly outside the fence line. The colors of the leaves seemed to glow brighter every time she glanced at them. She had kept meaning to paint them, thinking there would be more time the next day, or the next. 

She’d forgotten, in her happiness, the ground promised no tomorrows.

***

Bellamy walked into the sunlight of the open yard of Arkadia feeling an odd kind of detachment from the reality of the situation. It was as though his brain could simply not broach the concept of the end of the world, and decided to focus on more mundane tasks. Like greeting a certain sister that couldn’t seem to stay in one spot at a time. 

There was a massive herd of people surrounding a group walking oddly toward the main structure of the Ark. he could see Lincoln’s bare head, standing a foot above the melee, a small child in his arms. As he got closer he made out the wild tangle of dark strands belonging to Octavia, a red-headed woman leaning heavily on her shoulders as they made their way toward the Medbay.

He blinked a few times, the sun striking his eyes after huddling in the shadows with Clarke before calling out, the chaos palpable. His people were surrounding a group of sickly, blotchy looking people, Luna’s people he thought dimly as stretchers were brought out and people were carried in. Jackson was running around the shouting orders, and he could see Abby’s slim figure striding out to begin helping.

He didn’t yell his sister’s name, but sidled up next to her, swooping the woman she was carrying out of her arms and into his own.

“Bellamy,” she said, the relief evident on her face, the woman barely reacting to the change in support her head lolling back, dark sores lined her face.

“You making friends again O?” He asked.

She grimaced, “Luna’s kru, this is all that’s left Bell, the rest are dead.”

They were nearing the med bay as he scanned her quickly for the sickness saw around him, “you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” she said, stopping quickly to pick up a young boy, a scab on his shaved forehead, “whatever this is doesn’t seem to affect Lincoln and I.”

Her eyes narrowed when she didn’t see a flicker of surprise, “hey, what aren’t you telling me?”

He shook his head, settling the young woman on the nearest gurney, Abby cutting in front of him, barking out orders to the assistants milling around. He backed off as they surrounded the remnants of Luna’s kru and Lincoln joined him and O, his arms now free of the child he’d carried in.

Bellamy pulled Octavia in quickly, hugging her and breathing in the sea salt on her hair, before pulling away before he could think too much about the risk she had put herself in, how much extra radiation she’d already been exposed to by being out on the ocean rig, just a little closer to the affected zones. 

Lincoln grasped his forearm in greeting, his expression grim. “It’s good to see you Bellamy,” he said, stepping away and placing a hand on Octavia’s back, “but I don’t think either of us bring each other good news.”

“No,” Bellamy sighed, “but it can wait, why don’t you guys get something to eat, you’re not the only surprising arrival today, Jaha is back.”

“Thelonius?” Octavia exclaimed, her dark brows going up in surprise, “he’s alive?”

“Yeah, sedated in a private room,” he said quickly, his mouth twitching a little at Octavia’s eye roll, “yeah yeah, ark class system still in full effect, I need to get Clarke, meet you in the bar okay?”

Octavia bit her lip, her eyes tracking him. He knew she saw it, the barely restrained panic, Clarke wasn’t the only one teetering on the edge. 

“Okay, Bell,” she said hesitantly, “we could use a shower anyway, Luna’s people were already dying when we arrived, it was hell to convince her to bring them off the rig. Hopefully Abby can figure out what’s going on.”

“I’m sure she will,” he said tightly, “but I really need to-”

“Yes, yes,” she replied rolling her eyes at him, “go get your girl, god you guys are just nauseating sometimes,” she laughed as Lincoln pulled her away. 

He hoped he smiled at her as she left, leaning on Lincoln’s broad frame, he hoped he didn’t give her a reason to worry. These might be her last minutes left with the freedom of ignorance.

Before he left the bay he watched Abby as she wrapped the sores on Luna’s arm her expression widening as the blood on the bandage turned up black. 

***

Clarke was laying on their bed staring at the ceiling when Bellamy opened the door slipping inside. She didn’t turn to look at him, listening instead to the now familiar sounds of him unzipping the guard’s jacket, the groan on the chair beneath him as he sat down to remove his boots. She shifted over towards the wall giving him space beside her, before curling up at his side, her head resting on his shoulders, his arms wrapped around her. 

“How’s Octavia?” She asked softly into the soft cotton of his shirt. 

“She’s fine, both her and Lincoln don’t seem to be affected, at least not yet, Luna and her people though-” 

“Abby can’t help them,” Clarke said, “she won’t use radiation pills up.”

“There are kids in that bay,” he said tightly, his grip curling into her top, “this isn’t their fault.”

“This time it’s no one’s fault,” she said and he could feel tears drop onto his shoulder. He turned over fully so they were both on their sides, facing each other. 

“Are you scared?” She asked 

“I know I’m supposed to be,” he said slowly, “but it doesn’t seem real, even seeing those people sick, knowing it’s already on the way, I keep thinking I should start feeling afraid, panic even, but-”

“But it’s somehow much less scary than a bunch of grounders armed to the teeth, vampiric mountain men, and a crazy pants ice queen?” She said solemnly.

“Yeah, this is a much less epic way to go out,” he agreed, “I could see if Murphy wants to tick off some grounders and make it more interesting than hair loss and boils.”

“I was kinda looking forward to the hair loss,” she said, eyes widening, finally dry, “if I can’t go out as a blonde, I might as well go bald.”

He reached up and tugged a lock of the colored hair lightly, “great plan Princess, best one yet,” they held each other’s gaze until they both burst out laughing, the small room ringing. Clarke snuggled in closer, lining her hips up with his as he buried his nose into her head.

“How much more time do we have until we tell them?” She asked into his shoulder. He took a deep breath, feeling while not reassured, calm. The edges of panic settled as she wrapped her arms around him.

“I think we can hide for a few more minutes,” he said, “but before we do, I need to hear you say something.”

The contented smile slipped off her face and Clarke rolled her eyes, flopping back over to look up at the ceiling, “I know, I panicked, but-”

“No, not that,” he said sharply, sitting up off the mattress, facing the door, away from her, “we said we’d do things together, after the shit you pulled in Azgeda.”

“Here we are, together, dying together,” Clarke said sourly, “don’t see why you’re getting salty with me about it.”

“I’m not,” he looked back down at her, “I’m just making sure you remember your promise to me.”  
Clarke inhaled sharply, clenching her jaw. She felt an odd zing of pain on her stomach and let her hand trace the black lined scar, wishing they could have stayed in the time before, when they were laughing at the absurdity of it. 

“No more cutting you out of plans, I remember Bell,” she said. “I haven’t actually had a lot of time to come up with a way to betray you and sacrifice myself in the last few minutes since finding out we’re all doomed.”

Bellamy sighed, hanging his head but he reached behind him, to hold her hand, “that’s the last time you say you’re doomed, you got that?” His voice was rough, but she heard the desperation behind it. 

She opened her mouth for a smart reply but came up with nothing, the heaviness of his hand on hers feeling like a weight upon her chest. She wondered if she should lie to him, say that she was ready to fight, to lead, to find a way to save their people. But she dismissed that. He would see through it, he always could. She licked her lips, eyes drifting over to the little drawings tacked up all over the walls. She imagined them curling in the flames of Praimfaya, edges blackening. 

She reached for the fire, the defiance she had found time and time again to face the world bent against her and found...nothing. Nothing but want for more time with him, curled into his side. It didn’t feel like giving up, it felt like making peace, but he wouldn’t see it that way. She should tell him, she should find a way to say it, but was given a reprieve with a sharp knock on their door. 

She met Bellamy’s eyes, dark and conflicted. “Come in,” he called shortly and Clarke sat up to sit next to him on the mattress curling her hand into his, grateful it grasped hers despite the tension in the room. 

Kane poked his head into their room, his expression weary and a little bit sheepish. “Clarke, Bellamy, Jaha’s awake.”

“Oh, are we being invited to the big kid’s table now?” Clarke asked icily, yet reached down to grab her boots as Bellamy sighed and reached over for his own.

“She means well,” Kane said defensively, “she wanted to spare you this as long as possible Clarke.”

“No, she wanted to stop me from doing what needs to be done,” Clarke lashed out, “or is there a specific reason why the Commander hasn’t been informed of the impending apocalypse? Apart from, you know, making sure she doesn’t try to get anyone besides Skaikru into Arkadia?”

Kane visibly paled in front of them as Bellamy snapped his head to look over at her, “Clarke?” He asked hesitantly, but she shook off his grasp and pulled her jacket on, zipping it up to her neck, pulling a scarf around her neck too. She wanted armor, she wanted a face mask, she wanted to stop breathing this air. None of these things she was going to get. At least not yet.

“We wanted all the information possible,” Kane said wearily, “it was always the plan to share what we knew-”

“Sure, yeah, of course,” Clarke said nodding her head and turning to look at Bellamy as he shrugged his own jacket back on. They’d only gotten a few moments. So they were back to this again, being pulled apart for the sake of others.

She walked up to Kane, motioning for him to step out of the room, “come on, let’s hear what the old Chancellor has to say, I’m sure it will be riveting.” 

***

“Start from the beginning Thelonious,” Abby said, her tone gentle, but her eyes told a different story. Clarke watched her mother replace the IV bag with a new one and lift and replace the bandages on the former Chancellors arms. There was gray in Jaha’s hair now, new lines around his eyes that were both from staring into the desert sun and the grief over losing his son.

Wells was the only reason Clarke was halfway cordial with the man. She had a feeling that Abby kept her peace as well because they were both parents that had the gall to send their children hurtling to earth for the sake of a secret kept. 

“I, I saw the city of light,” he said, “the woman, she showed it to me, it was beautiful.” Clarke lifted her eyes at the cracked and dry voice that came out of a man she only knew as so self-assured that even a broken space station couldn’t shake his resolve. 

“Is he totally cracked?” Bellamy asked and Clarke had a wild urge to laugh at the absurdity of their situation.

Jaha’s roving eyes settled on Bellamy, narrowing and Clarke could see something of the old man in there still. “Why is my would-be assassin in the room?” He asked confused, turning to Abby and Kane, “are we letting children decide our fate now?”

Abby’s mouth twisted, “you’ve been gone a long time Thelonious, far longer than we thought you would be. They have saved this community many times since then, you would do well to speak honestly in front of them.”

Clarke didn’t look over at Abby, but her cheeks warmed. It was as much of an apology as she would be getting. Abby didn’t believe she’d done anything wrong, she just knew she’d hurt Clarke. 

Jaha raised his eyebrows, and Clarke could feel his appraisal of both her and Bellamy. It seemed to shake something loose for him though and he blinked several times. “I went out into the desert for answers,” he murmured quietly.

“Want to share what those answers were with the rest of the class?” Bellamy asked sharply. 

Jaha’s lips curled up in disdain, “how much do you know of Becca Franco, Mr. Blake?”

“Oh fuck off Jaha,” Clarke said walking up to him and pulling the morphine drip out of his arm.

“Clarke!” Abby cried walking over to stop her but Bellamy slipped in front of her, blocking her. 

“It’s okay Abby,” Jaha said tightly, “I understand one’s own mortality can make you do surprising things.”

“I’m sure your sunburn hurts, but you can have your painkillers back when you stop talking in riddles,” Clarke said quickly, “yeah, we know who Becca Franco was, we also know that the grounder’s worship her as Pramheda because she came back for what was left of humanity while our forefathers huddled up in space. You’ve got old news Jaha, sorry you can’t play oracle today. No where did you go? What did you see? What do you know? Those are the answers we need, in that order.”

“That’s pretty hot Princess,” Bellamy whispered over her shoulder and she couldn’t stop the smirk on her face as Jaha’s expression grew a little more frantic. Respect was a commodity to Jaha, always had been. Clarke knew he covered his desires to control situations by saying it was ‘for the for the good of the many,’ but it usually just ended up being for the good of him.

“Was there a new election Abby?” Jaha asked angrily.

“Answer her questions Thelonious,” Abby said wearily, and Clarke couldn’t help feeling a little spark of satisfaction at the way his eyes widened at the realization he was no longer in control.

“The first one was ‘where did you go’,” Clarke supplied helpfully. 

“I went into the desert,” Jaha said nearly sarcastically, but then he seemed to settle, knowing suddenly he did have a captive audience, and telling stories would give him command of the room, at least for awhile. “I nearly died from the elements, but was rescued by a tech trader and her brother, they are called friekdreinas by the grounders, people that were born with abnormalities because of the radiation from the first round of bombs.”

“Are you just that lucky or-”.

“they were told to save me though her, by her, by A.L.I.E.,” Jaha said. 

“A.L.I.E?” Clarke asked hesitantly, “is this the woman in red you were yelling about?”

“Yes,” Jaha said simply, “but she’s not real, she’s an AI developed by Ms. Franco. She’s the reason the bombs dropped in the first place. She went rouge with her prime directive. The AI thought that making the world better would be solved with less humans.” He looked around at the shocked eyes, “I know, it sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.”

“Not that I don’t love a history lesson,” Bellamy spoke up, “but what does that have to do with our current issue of the other nuclear plants breaking down?”

Jaha sighed, “the grounders that helped me, Emori and Otan, they brought me to an island, Franco’s old compound where she came up with all her brilliant technology before it destroyed the world.”

“Did you find anything that can help us besides a genocidal video game?” Clarke asked.

“I did actually,” Jaha said shifting himself up higher on the hospital bed, “the AI can become visible when you take a chip, a piece of nano technology that gives you the ability to speak with Becca’s AI.”

“So the woman in red isn’t real, it’s just a simulation?” Bellamy asked, “cause if so, I need to tell Miller to stop looking for a lady in a red dress, not that he’s been trying real hard.”

“Yes, I mean,” Jaha hesitated, “no, I destroyed her.”

“You destroyed Becca Franco’s tech?” Clarke asked bewildered, “why? We could have used it to-” 

“I learned what I needed to, but the AI is, was, dangerous. It was still trying to accomplish its prime directive. So after I learned the location of the active reactors I destroyed all the chips she had. Her plan won't come to fruition.”

“So you're saying you know which reactors are still active?” Abby asked.

“I do,” Jaha said wearily, “there are three of them, west, north, and south of us. We can’t escape what’s coming by ocean from the east, but there are three reactors that, once they go, will obliterate the terrain. If we can stop them from going off, the eastern seaboard has a chance of being spared from the fires, but-”

“But the radiation, the levels are still going to be too high for humans to survive outside, aren’t they?” Clarke asked quietly.

“For five years, we’ll need to stay underground or in a sealed area until the levels drop. But if we can make it through that, at least the world we step out on will not be a dead zone. Vegetation can survive. Possibly animal life.”

“It doesn’t make a difference, then,” Clarke said quietly, “we still only have space for a hundred in Arkadia.”

“What about Mount Weather?” Bellamy asked.

“It’s been discussed, but we risk alerting the grounders to something by working there to fix the hydro,” Abby said sadly. 

“Mount Weather and Arkadia, together they have enough room for Skaikru,” Jaha said decisively, “I think it’s worth the risk, we still have the advantage in firepower to keep any grounder away if need be.”

“So all the other people don’t matter?” Bellamy said icily, “that sounds familiar.”

“I’m just thinking of our people first Bellamy,” Jaha said grimly, “it’s what a leader does.”

“So I’ve been told,” Clarke said softly, “strange how small a group your people can refer to sometimes.”

Jaha lifted his chin defiantly, “any parent knows the truth of it,” his eyes flicked over to Abby as a stone dropped in Clarke’s stomach. “The next steps are clear, but the groups going to the reactors must be briefed immediately. The two I brought with me, Emori and Otan, they’ve volunteered to go in exchange for safety measures we can provide from the radiation.”

Kane’s brow furrowed even more than normal, “they haven’t turned up.”

“They don’t trust people,” Jaha waved his hand away, “they’ll be farther in the woods. We’ve agreed on a spot once I negotiated terms.”

“So you’ve lied to them?” Clarke asked, “because we don’t have anything that can stop anyone from dying after getting so close to those reactors. We think what Luna’s crew came in with is bad? That will be nothing compared to the signs of poisoning the teams will endure, and die from, regardless of hazmat suits and vitamins.”

Jaha held her gaze, surprise flickering across his face that she had put it together so quickly, “there’s a chance it wouldn’t be immediate, and they have better luck with us than the other grounders, apparently they are shunned from krus based on their defects.”

“So is that it?” Clarke asked, shaking her head in disgust as she plugged the IV back into Jaha’s arm none too kindly. “Convince three teams to die for the cause, get Arkadia and maybe Mount Weather sealed right under the Commander and Coalitions’ nose, and then don’t give them a chance to survive it themselves?”

“There are no good choices here Clarke,” Abby said gently, “but if we can get Mount Weather up and running again we don’t need the list, you’re safe.”

“Doesn’t mean you haven’t condemned thousands to death Mom,” Clarke said sharply.

“They would do the same to us,” Jaha said darky. “I heard about the betrayal at the mountain on my trek back Clarke. I heard about the way we were forced into the coalition. I expected you to be dead after hearing of what happened in Azgeda and the death of Wanheda. Don’t think for a moment if the Commander finds out about the situation she won’t kill all of Skaikru to take this camp and Mount Weather for her people.”

“You know less than you think you do, Jaha,” Clarke said sourly.

Jaha’s eyes narrowed on her, “why Ms. Griffin, do you somehow know something we do not?”

Clarke glanced in Bellamy’s direction, as in tune as they normally were, she was pretty sure he couldn’t read her mind on this account. But it was what Jaha had said before that triggered a memory of a night around a campfire on the way to Azgeda. Of a few moments in Lexa’s tent at the peace summit.

“You may have interfaced with Becca Franco’s AI, but we have direct access to Becca Franco.”

“That’s preposterous,” Thelonious said, wincing as he tried to move forward in the bed.

“It’s not,” Bellamy said, now stepping up to Clarke and grasping her elbow in reassurance, “Becca Franco's AI may have destroyed the earth but she created another to help the grounders. She passed her consciousness down to each subsequent Commander, passing on knowledge to help lead, tools to keep the human race going. It can be accessed."

Clarke smirked, Jaha looked shocked and uncomfortable that a man he’d known as a janitor on the ark could school him so thoroughly. She’d never told Wells how much of a pompous asshole she’d always found his father, for obvious reasons. 

“So keeping this from the grounders isn’t going to work,” Clarke said softly, “we need to tell Lexa, we need whatever knowledge she can access. Becca found all the first bunkers, that knowledge can help save so many more. And if Jaha won’t help without his conditions being met, perhaps she knows the locations of the reactors we'll have to shut down too.”

“Alright,” Abby said softly, but Jaha whipped his head in her direction.

“Abby, you can’t be serious, my plan ensures Arkadia’s survival, we have to keep this under wraps, we-”

“You are no longer the Chancellor Thelonious,” Abby said drawing herself up to her full height, “Clarke is right, we put ourselves at risk by saying nothing as well. Becca Franco always seemed to have cards up her sleeve, at least by the archive’s records. Perhaps she has a few more than that can save, well, more.”

“Good plan Mom,” Clarke said sincerely, happy that this time she could mean it. Abby smiled tightly in thanks.

“That still doesn’t solve the need to shut down the reactors,” Jaha said sullenly. “Those teams need to be chosen now, they need to go at first light.”

Clarke tried to take a deep breath to well the anxiety rising in her. Those teams, those people would be on a suicide mission. 

“I think it’s time you rested, Thelonious,” Abby said swiftly grabbing a syringe from beside him and adding it to the saline bag. Jaha’s eyes widened at the action and he made to remove the IV from his arm, but both Kane and Bellamy moved forward quickly holding him down until his struggling ceased, and he fell limp into the bed. 

The four of them looked up at each other. Abby took a breath to steady herself, “there’s something else I need to tell you both. It’s about the people Octavia and Lincoln brought in.”

“Luna’s people?” Clarke asked.

Abby nodded, “just before you got here, Jackson told me. They’ve all succumbed, except for Luna.”

“Even the kids?” Bellamy asked tightly, “did you even-”

Clarke rested a hand on his arm, and he stopped, his dark gaze holding hers. “But Luna, you think she’s going to make it?”

Abby hesitated, “well, yes, her case is interesting. She was nearly the worst of them when they came in but now it’s as though the radiation has barely touched her.”

“You make it sound like that’s not good news,” Clarke said slowly.

“Did you happen to notice the color of her blood?” Abby asked delicately, “it’s black, you mentioned that the Commander also…” Abby trailed off, her hands wrapped around her own arms. They all ignored the softly snoring Jaha. 

Clarke tilted her head, trying to make sense of it. “You think that makes her less susceptible to the radiation?”

“It’s the only variable I can see,” Abby said, “I was hoping to run more tests. Perhaps you could talk to her?”

Clarke took a step back, turning away from her mother as the information rolled around her mind and something that felt eerily like inspiration flashed through her. Maybe her well of fight wasn't totally dry. Bellamy must have thought she was upset because he stepped forward. 

“Octavia, she and Lincoln should speak with Luna. They’ve built up some kind of trust with her,” Bellamy said decisively staring down Abby and Kane until the former nodded shortly, looking away. 

“So, what now?” Clarke asked tentatively, schooling her features back into detached concern as she looked back at her mother.

“Now, I figure out who to send to the reactors,” Abby said stonily. She looked up at Clarke, “get ready to head to Polis. Kane will go ahead of you and tell the Commander you’re on your way so you can get into the city in secret. Roan’s hold on the name Wanheda may be cemented but there’s no reason to push it.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary?” Kane asked, eyebrows raised, “I feel like I’ve developed a good relationship with the Commander. And I’m the liaison after all. ”

There was an uncomfortable beat, Clarke shifting away from the awkwardness. Lexa was still a hard topic for her and Bellamy, but it had to be said. “Kane, I think it has to be me. Unless you’ve had long conversations about the voices in her head, I don’t know if I was really permitted to talk about that.”

Bellamy snorted next to her and she closed her eyes against the stress headache. Great, just what she needed. 

Kane looked chagrined but nodded hastily, “fine, I’ll leave tonight,” he replied shortly turning and leaving the room as Abby snapped her mouth shut. 

Clarke raised an eyebrow at her mother but Abby shook her head, shutting down the questions before they could begin, “go on, I’ll check Jaha’s vitals. I’m assuming you’re heading to deal with the rest of your people,” she finished softly. 

“Thank you, Abby,” Bellamy said stiffly and Clarke looked up at him in surprise. Abby’s eyes widened as well. Bellamy and her did not get along well all the time, he chafed at the restraints at camp more than anyone. 

“It’s the least I can do,” she shrugged, “I hope you understand, the deception wasn’t about thinking you two couldn’t handle this, it’s hard to stop being a parent, even when your children are as accomplished and brave as you both are.”

Bellamy opened his mouth to respond but Clarke could see the shock in his face. Abby, talking about him as though he was one of hers, a child to be cared for just as much as her daughter. If Clarke had the energy to process yet another bombshell today she might have teared up. But instead she softly tugged his arm and led him away from the medical room. 

They shifted into step, walking the way to the bar in silence. 

“Clarke?” He said softly.

“Yeah?” she replied, twining her fingers into his.

“You won’t be on those missions to the reactors,” he said, his voice low but tight.

She didn’t break her pace him, but tighten her hold on his hand, “that’s not up to you,” she said.

“You promised me,” he replied harshly, stopping her and turning her to him as they reached the entrance to the mess hall. The din of noise reaching them, “you promised you wouldn’t give up on me.”

She looked up into the face she loved so much, the freckles dusting his cheekbones beneath fury-filled eyes. But behind that, the look that made her flinch. He was in pain, she was doing this to him, again. 

She took a deep breath, and tried to put into words the streak of understanding that had flashed through her. “Lexa’s blood is black. Octavia told us that Luna was in the conclave but ran. I’m betting all the Commanders have that blood, and it’s for a reason. We need to talk to Luna, but if she’s resistant to radiation, it may mean going to the reactors doesn’t have to be a death sentence. But we'll need more than just Lexa and Luna, if they even agree to go.”

Bellamy took a step back from her, her hand dropping from his, “you’re saying the kids in the conclave? No, Clarke they’re too young we can’t ask that, we can’t-” 

She shook her head fiercely, stepping toward him and grabbing his hand again, pulling it to her heart. 

“No Bellamy, us. We need to find a way to become nightbloods.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you're enjoying :) Comments and Kudos always appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Kudos and Comments always loved and looked forward to.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as HiatusMusings - Come chat there if you'd like. 
> 
> Cheers!


End file.
